Landfill

[Wjames]

It hurts to breathe
behind the church -
waiting for her
to decompose.

[cidermaid]

Keep coming back to this. finding it compelling but also slightly disturbing.
Like all of the different twists of interpretation I have found on repeat readings.
No comments as such just wanted to say that it had caught my attention - so in this I suppose -- no crits and thanks for sharing.

[advocaite]

this makes me feel somewhat sad with loss

[ellajam]

Yes, this makes it hard to breathe, and I wonder, will the narrator breathe any easier once the decomposition is complete? Maybe. Maybe not.

This is really well done, every time I come back to it I wonder all sorts of stuff.

[RiverNotch]

Yeah, this is really good! The title for me is a tiny, tiny, tiny bit detracting, but that might change in the future -- or maybe I'll just consider this untitled, which I do think is more proper.

Of course, the joke is, what if the speaker's a plant? Then it hurts to breathe.....coz' of the lack of fertilizer!

[nikkisto]

I'm new to the forum, but I love how in these short pieces, the reader is left so much room for interpretation. You've done this splendidly. For me, I immediately read grief and loss, and then went back and can see other options as well. Love a good mystery...glad to have found this.

[Wjames]

Thanks for your thoughts guys, and I think I will change the title, River.

[QDeathstar]

I think that changing the title would help clarify the piece, I mean, why behind the the church? it reads to me as cemetery, but while are you waiting for her to decompose?