Thoughts on Free Thought

[Seanwd98]

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

[Joseph Didis]

The poem is written in a neat style, mind telling me what it is called?
I also like the overall subject
I commented about punctuation in 2 places, but overall think you should look for places where punctuation might be needed

I'm free to think and do as I please.    I would consider changing order: "I'm free to do and think as I please", some time in the poem
Unbound and freed by Socrates-    Might cut and, and put in some commas...Unbound, freed, by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word   
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys  Might consider punctuation.."No" or "or" I guess works equally fine, just wanted to show how it could look "No walls no chains, no locks or keys"
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-   Opposing the vile tyrannies? just to keep the flow of the text
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.   
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.    I would like this to repeat the mantra like "Within myself I have found peace" or "I have found peace by my own will" to keep the rhyming

An alternative to repeating the whole first line could be (in whatever order):
I'm free to do whatever I please
I'm free to think whatever I please
I'm free to think and do as I please

Thank you for sharing!

[Seanwd98]

Thanks Joseph! I'm not sure exactly the name of the style or even if it has a name. I suppose it's similar to a villanelle with the repeated lines, just with modifications to meter and rhyme scheme. I appreciate the feedback, thanks for commenting! 

[kolemath]

Thanks for sharing, Sean!  I love this proclamation of autonomy.  I've posted a few comments below.

I'm free to think and do as I please.--the poem maintains a consistent alternating stress pattern for most of the poem, except for this opening line? might this line be revised for consistent meter?
Unbound and freed by Socrates- --how does Socrates fit into the rest of the poem? might a few allusions make this connection stronger?
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate. --again, how does Socrates fit in if this desire is innate?
For from within, one finds their peace. --mixing pronoun case here: on‌e=singular, their=plural
strong statement, that external barriers can't constrain inner wisdom/peace

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies- --does the content of these two lines match? does doing as one pleases (leisure-like) fit with protest?
A call to all, though few will heed. --this is my favorite line
By my own will I intercede. --intercede what?
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity --I like that 'box' has followed the prison imagery from the second stanza
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

Thanks for sharing! -Kole

[Seanwd98]

Thanks for sharing, Sean!  I love this proclamation of autonomy.  I've posted a few comments below.

I'm free to think and do as I please.--the poem maintains a consistent alternating stress pattern for most of the poem, except for this opening line? might this line be revised for consistent meter?
Unbound and freed by Socrates- --how does Socrates fit into the rest of the poem? might a few allusions make this connection stronger?
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate. --again, how does Socrates fit in if this desire is innate?
For from within, one finds their peace. --mixing pronoun case here: on‌e=singular, their=plural
strong statement, that external barriers can't constrain inner wisdom/peace

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies- --does the content of these two lines match? does doing as one pleases (leisure-like) fit with protest?
A call to all, though few will heed. --this is my favorite line
By my own will I intercede. --intercede what?
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity --I like that 'box' has followed the prison imagery from the second stanza
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

Thanks for sharing! -Kole

Thanks for the feedback! Here's a Socrates quote to clarify my connection- "To find yourself, think for yourself." This quote always resonated with me and was the inspiration for this poem. I will consider adding an additional stanza in order to clarify this. I'd like to point out that "their" is more commonly being used as a neutral singular preposition, an example might be, if you don't know the sex of a person and they have picked up a ball, you may say "they have picked up their ball," though I can see where the confusion comes from. To intercede is to intervene or speak out on behalf of another. This is meant to represent my position in acting as an ambassador on free thought, though I agree that it is difficult to understand in the context of the poem. I will consider revising. Thank you for the criticism!

---

Thanks for sharing, Sean!  I love this proclamation of autonomy.  I've posted a few comments below.

I'm free to think and do as I please.--the poem maintains a consistent alternating stress pattern for most of the poem, except for this opening line? might this line be revised for consistent meter?
Unbound and freed by Socrates- --how does Socrates fit into the rest of the poem? might a few allusions make this connection stronger?
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate. --again, how does Socrates fit in if this desire is innate?
For from within, one finds their peace. --mixing pronoun case here: on‌e=singular, their=plural
strong statement, that external barriers can't constrain inner wisdom/peace

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies- --does the content of these two lines match? does doing as one pleases (leisure-like) fit with protest?
A call to all, though few will heed. --this is my favorite line
By my own will I intercede. --intercede what?
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity --I like that 'box' has followed the prison imagery from the second stanza
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

Thanks for sharing! -Kole

Additionally, I agree that the opening line is slightly awkward. I will definitely consider revising.

[kolemath]

Great points, Sean! Maybe the Socrates quote as an epigraph would provide the necessary context.

Regarding the on‌e=they, I realize this is true for spoken language, but for writing? I'm not so sure.  Consider, "one" is a formal pronoun, while singular "they" is informal.  Is this mix of formalities appropriate for the poem's voice/speaker?  I see it all the time in my students' writing and try to avoid it myself.  Pick a gender, or avoid it completely; (that's what I tell them, but poetry can break rules; I realize this is a personal choice; every writer's different).

Possible revisions: For from within, we find our peace. For from within, one finds peace; (I like this one best; less is more in poetry). For from within, one finds his peace. (Feminists might argue the latter is sexist, but this is Socrates after all).

Thanks for the context!

[Seanwd98]

Great points, Sean! Maybe the Socrates quote as an epigraph would provide the necessary context.

Regarding the on‌e=they, I realize this is true for spoken language, but for writing? I'm not so sure.  Consider, "one" is a formal pronoun, while singular "they" is informal.  Is this mix of formalities appropriate for the poem's voice/speaker?  I see it all the time in my students' writing and try to avoid it myself.  Pick a gender, or avoid it completely; (that's what I tell them, but poetry can break rules; I realize this is a personal choice; every writer's different).

Possible revisions: For from within, we find our peace. For from within, one finds peace; (I like this one best; less is more in poetry). For from within, one finds his peace. (Feminists might argue the latter is sexist, but this is Socrates after all).

Thanks for the context!

Thank you for the alternatives! I will look over the work and consider rewording some sections.

[XavF]

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard. ( adding life here adds alliteration and also fits the tempo better. "Of life lessons, often left unheard"
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys (perhaps locks and keys, just to change it up from or)
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate. (Why not use meditate, same amount of syllables and a lot clearer)
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

This is really quite good, it flows quite nicely once you build into it! thoughts in brackets above.

[rhymeguy]

When I read a poem I look for 2 things. Can I read it with ease or do I have to fight the rhythm and structure and having read it do I care? If the answer to the second question is yes then I will fight harder for a positive response to the first question. My ultimate conclusion is, of course, irrelevant. After all who am I to decide?

Your poem is a yes/yes for me. I cannot provide an educated dissertation on the various rules and conventions that produce poetry. What I can do is express what works for me and why.

Your poem made me wonder- is the freedom of thought and the accompanying peace newly discovered? I don't need to know the answer. The important thing is that your words made me wonder.

Your poem made me wonder- Has the freedom of thought allowed freedom of action? Again, I don't need to know the answer.

Your poem helped me realize that true peace is internal and self realized. It is not a gift we receive from others.

I could probably go on but enough is enough.

Thanks sharing your heart with me.

[LunaDeLore]

Thanks Joseph! I'm not sure exactly the name of the style or even if it has a name. I suppose it's similar to a villanelle with the repeated lines, just with modifications to meter and rhyme scheme. I appreciate the feedback, thanks for commenting! 

Sean,

This work is certainly metered but not villanelle. Typically, the villanelle consists of four eight line stanzas with a one-two line refrain at the end of each stanza.  What you have here is four five line stanzas. No bones there though we all test the waters and try new things. You do show good use with the iambic but is any work ever perfect?


I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys ------ As a reader I need some commas before each "or" just for a breather if nothing else.
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed. --------For some reason this feels to well used
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace. -----This last line seems awkward


Hope I've Helped

Luna

 

[rowens]

I am free and I can rhyme and Socrates. That's all your poem says over a program of some kind of form. I don't have room in my mind to remember how old I am all the time since nothing exciting ever happens, let alone the names of foreign poetry forms. . . .  In a disconnected enterprise, you say the same thing over and over. You repeat that you're capable, but the reader learns nothing, and there are no examples, no experience: unless you've found peace, that boring concept. Like the poem says. That's all it says. It only says that: what it says. The worst thing is that the title, posted in the Novice forum, made me expect exactly this. It lacks any surprise or, again, any experience.

[AshimZed]

I just registered so pardon my poor critique, but I'll do my best:

I really enjoyed the rhyme scheme and there was a definite rhythm I picked up on (not sure if it's as the same in your head, but I myself enjoyed it cx )
I really liked the freeing theme yet there was still a feeling of imprisonment to me, and I liked it.

All in all, really great job!

-AshimZed

[T-Ape]

I'm new to poetry, please correct me when I misinterpret your poem. I really want to learn how it works...

The form is clear to me, except I don't understand why the last paragraph doesn't start the same. What made you differ from your scheme?
What also made me curious is why you left the last sentence without a rhyme. I feel a bit unresolved by that, as if something is going to happen after this. Was that your intention?

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.
[ Lessons on how to live is what I read in this section. How knowing oneself is the way to become happy and not be disturbed by outside negative words.]

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.
[ Roughly the same message, Knowing oneself is the armor shielding you from traps or attacks towards the mind.]

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.
[People surrounding you may want to control you, because you divert from their 'normal'. Some may help you, but many will leave you]

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.
[Here you already gave the clue, the human will.]

[kokomeki]

I read and reread this poem know it will stick with me and come to mind often.  It calls for a quiet and enduring strength that is applicable to daily life as well as extreme issues (vile tyrannies).

Actually, one of my least favorite lines is "opposing vile tyrannies" although I love the sentiment.  It just sounds trite somehow.  Maybe replacing "vile" might help?

Please stick to the word "their" as a gender neutral pronoun.  I appreciate this usage in a poem that is supposed to speak to everyone.  

Finally, I like how you've come full circle from "For from within, one finds their peace" to "By my own will I have found peace," but it would flow better and sound less pretentious if it read "For from within I have found peace."  It's evident without being stated that your own will is guiding your inner peace.  

This poem speaks to me.  Keep sharing!

[billy]

hi sean no need for formatting unless it adds something,

good effort on the refrains though the initial lines feel too wordy, [an extra half foot on the meter] a suggestion would be ( I'm free to do what pleases me.) or something that better fits the meter.

while the poem seems to read well {reasonably good meter} the content doesn't feel like it's saying much. unbound and freed are more or less the same so one of them becomes redundant. there's no real solid image the reader can latch on to. use an odd simile or /and metaphor. that first refrain could go and the 2nd line of the first would be something stronger to work with, but it's just a suggestion.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

[Janterra]

The theme of this poem is one i feel is definitely present throughout. I do like seeing poems directed towards more abstract ideas such as freedom of thought. Overall it was quite enjoyable.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates- I don't entirely understand the use of "Socrates'" name here. I asume it is used as reference to him being the "father" of western philosophy.
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies- The meanig of this line is not entirely clear to me.
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

[Hennessy473]

Hi, I enjoyed the theme of this poem and thought that it flowed well. I do have some thoughts on the lines.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate. - I find this sentence feels clunky or harsh - maybe its all those hard consonants. It might be because I don't love the word cogitate, but it does fit your purpose here. But even changing innate to inner would smooth this out, or something along those lines.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede. - I'm a little confused here - intercede how and on whose behalf?
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

Thanks for sharing!

[PaddyFields]

The poem is simple, angry and lacks the inner peace that the poet strives for, which maybe the intent. The language is simple, style is simple and clean, the rhythm is strong and the last 'of individuality' is a nice accent.
'No walls or chains or locks or keys'- here, keys is a misfit in my opinion. All others, viz., the walls, chains and locks are elements of restraint, but keys open up stuff for the large part. I understand 'lock and key', a key opens as well as binds, but when we want to close something, we look for a lock, not a key. And i understand the poet's rhyme needs too, but maybe 'keys' is a bit out of place in my humble opinion.
The poet is in a bit of pessimistic mood, not having much hope for people hearing his call to oppose vile tyrannies. Maybe the poet feels good about being in a fight alone and maybe, feels like a knight. Well, only the poet would know. But in the end though, the poet talks about how he will not compromise his/her individuality and that is his inner peace. I kind of don't agree with the premise there, because of my own understanding of what inner peace can be. Buddha guides me there.
This poem is beautifully simple, uses some irony and is clearly an outlet for the poet's constrained mood. Thanks for sharing this poem.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

[Robert]

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-      
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.                     
For from within, one finds their peace.             I like the poem overall a lot.  I wish there were a way to to remain internalized at first, rather than "spread the word," which is something that seems so outgoing and externally verbal - rather than leading to an internal conversation that finds peace.      Maybe "to live and dream the once absurd" 

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.        Using "cogitate" might stop the flow of your message a bit. 
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.                            
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill.          So good!
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.

[Jo Frumple]

Wow, this is fantastic. I really like it. Good rhythm and a clear, consistent, theme. I like the ending too.
Keep up the awesome work!

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Unbound and freed by Socrates-
To live and dream and spread the word
Of lessons often left unheard.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
No walls or chains or locks or keys
Can suffocate or dominate
My innate need to cogitate.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I'm free to think and do as I please.
Opposing vile tyrannies-
A call to all, though few will heed.
By my own will I intercede.
For from within, one finds their peace.

I won’t be bound by foreign will.
No rule so bold and brash and shrill
Shall box my precious sanctity
Of individuality.
By my own will I have found peace.