09-13-2016, 01:09 AM 
	
	
	
		The gristled tooth, white tongue
throbbing sunrise embarassment
can not be cured with fresh air
and pancakes.
	
	
	
throbbing sunrise embarassment
can not be cured with fresh air
and pancakes.
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		09-13-2016, 01:09 AM 
	
	 
		The gristled tooth, white tongue throbbing sunrise embarassment can not be cured with fresh air and pancakes. 
		
		
		09-13-2016, 02:00 AM 
	
	 
		even though embarrassment can be anything, i can't help but think of the walk of shame..ha (09-13-2016, 01:09 AM)Wjames Wrote: The gristled tooth, white tongue from tooth to white to tongue is interesting 
Thanks to this Forum   
		
		
		09-13-2016, 07:57 AM 
	
	 
		I think your poem is all in the first stanza. Its imagery is fine-tuned, and the reader is left to imagine the back-story. Which for me runs along the lines of 'I had to chew off my arm, to get away without waking her'    
		
		
		09-15-2016, 01:25 PM 
	
	 
		Thanks for your thoughts, I'll cut the second stanza.
	 
		
		
		09-15-2016, 07:33 PM 
	
	 
		
		
		09-17-2016, 05:41 PM 
	
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