Forgiven

[Wjames]

She used to duplicate her eyes
in a pocket mirror, the carved gold
beams of light bouncing blue lasers 
back to the source.

I used to duplicate her eyes
in fever dreams, on the lifeless face 
of a hog getting torn up by wolves
in the field where we first made love.

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

Lovely work James! The final 2 lines really made the poem for me.
There is not much i can remark, safe for one thing: laser. Although the word
Does concey your message, it just feels off - thats just personal preference, though.

Thanks for sharing!

[vagabond]

first stanza, some incredible blue eyes, and maybe just a little vanity.
second stanza, a violent vision, not sure who is the hog though, works both ways. 
the last line and the title kind of envelop all this in something sweeter.
lots in a short package, i like it.

[nibbed]

Hi WJames

She used to duplicate her eyes
in a pocket mirror, the carved gold
beams of light bouncing blue lasers 
back to the source.                                       Woah!

I used to duplicate her eyes
in fever dreams, on the lifeless face 
of a hog getting torn up by wolves
in the field where we first made love.             Okay, how does forgiven fit with this stanza?


surprise ending!
I think I am just...stunned?

have a blessed day!
janine

[Wjames]

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. I agree with you Four-eyed about laser, I might just cut the word out.

"used to", nibbed, but I might want to make that more clear.