The Woodwork
#1
She hid within the limbs
piled high behind the old shed
where dad made bird houses
and paperweights.

After nine months, she emerged
looking as haggard and torn up as a fetus
strip mined for its stem cells.

We were glad
she kept the baby.
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#2
Hey,

Really new to reading, writing or commenting on the poem. So here is what I think:

She hid within the limbs
piled high behind the old shed
where dad made bird houses
and paperweights. <--- I think this 4th line could use a couple more words, so it feels more.. complete

After nine months, she emerged
looking as haggard and torn up as a fetus <--
strip mined for its stem cells.

Got me wondering for a moment why would a fetus look haggard, then I read and understood the next line and it made sense.

We were glad
she kept the baby. <--- Liked this line
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#3
(07-21-2017, 01:32 PM)Wjames Wrote:  She hid within the limbs
piled high behind the old shed
where dad made bird houses
and paperweights.

Paperweights feels like a period to me here, if that makes sense? Like it's weighted..feels like an ending. :-)

After nine months, she emerged
looking as haggard and torn up as a fetus
strip mined for its stem cells.

We were glad
she kept the baby.

Is this about a baby bird or a human baby? I'm torn between the two options. Ambiguous meaning.

Maybe it's just me, but it's hard for me to imagine what a haggard and torn up fetus looks like; although I get theoretically what you're talking about with the following line.
And so it goes :-)


Link to my blog, where I post poetry and occasionally some prose
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