A Good Fall

[Rave]

Falling in love was good
suprisingly
loving the fall was better

Knowing now
what I didn't then
was that she turned out to be half man
beneath the equator
and so my fall prevented
a confrontation
with that one-eyed stranger

[kaos]

Really good stuff. Since the poem is short i wont bother going line by line, but my favorite parts were A- Loving the fall, B- One eyed stranger (a vagina euphemism?). The premise could be elaborated upon of course, but that is a question of intention and not criticism.
It seems to me to be about an encounter with a transgendered woman or maybe a woman who dominates like a man or something along those lines. But still..good stuff!

[Knot]

Hi Rave.

A Good Fall

Falling in love was good
surprisingly
loving the fall was better
(works well on its own)

Knowing now
what I didn't then
was that she turned out to be half man
this should probably be;
was that she was half (a) man
beneath the equator
and so my fall prevented
I think you might consider
an alternative to 'fall'
a confrontation
with that one-eyed stranger

Not sure there's enough here,
but, nonetheless, I found it
oddly sad.


Thanks for the read.


Regards, Knot.

[danny_]

Now that is interesting... And a little creepy. The only part unclear to me is how the 'fall' prevented the confrontation, so that feels vague. I'd also like to see more of how this unfolded so I can be as shocked as the one who had the experience. Good job on simplicity and word choices, I liked "beneath the equator".

[CodyMarsh]

Hi, Rave!

Falling in love was good

suprisingly
loving the fall was better

This is nice. I'd like to see you do something with the line breaks though. I'm not sure if "surprisingly" refers to the first line, the third line or both. 

Knowing now

what I didn't then
was that she turned out to be half man
beneath the equator
----------------------------------------------
and so my fall prevented

a confrontation
with that one-eyed stranger

Everyone loves a surprise! This stanza presents two distinct thoughts. I've separated them here with these: ---------

What I'm looking for as a reader is how this would sound if the writer were reading the poem out loud. Imagine ways to make this more rhythmic. It reads choppy as it is. You can usually fix that with punctuation. Also, I'd consider taking the "and" out of line five. "And so" seems unnecessary to me. 

Overall, not bad and pretty fun. Good luck!

[Richard]

Hey Rave,
I like the build here and the payoff. I do have some thoughts though:

Falling in love was good
suprisingly
loving the fall was better -I like this first stanza. Have you thought about adding some punctuation? If you don't want to, I feel like you need to go all in on no punctuation and switch the capital letters to lower case. 

Knowing now
what I didn't then
was that she turned out to be half man -This is a nice twist, However, I think it should be saved for the end of the poem.
beneath the equator -I think that if you're going use this type of imagery, that you could expand upon it. Just a thought.
and so my fall prevented
a confrontation
with that one-eyed stranger -The phrase "one-eyed stranger" seems too juvenile to me, but others might disagree. I would suggest dropping this line. Actually, to expand on my point about saving the twist from above for the end, I would suggest rewriting this stanza to read something like:

My fall prevented
a confrontation:
she turned out to be half man.

This might be too much trimming, so feel free to ignore this suggestion. I just feel like this approach strengthens your point.

I do like this piece, so I hope I wasn't too negative here. I look forward to seeing where you take this from here.

Cheers,
Richard

[rowens]

Falling in love was good
suprisingly
loving the fall was better

Knowing now
what I didn't then
was that she turned out to be half man
beneath the equator
and so my fall prevented
a confrontation
with that one-eyed stranger



The seasonal disparity is good, as is the gender and sexuality.  Geography and physiology. But that's me assuming things; that you mean equator in more than one way, that the person lived in another place. Fall meaning three main things, falling in love, fall the climatic season, a fall as the failure of the relationship. That's what I think about it.

[rowens]

I'll fluff gather even further by saying: What other Fall came with Knowledge?

loving the fall was better

Knowing now
what I didn't then

A Good Fall rather than a bad one.

[allisonkreid]

Falling in love was good
suprisingly
loving the fall was better

Knowing now
what I didn't then
was that she turned out to be half man
beneath the equator
and so my fall prevented
a confrontation
with that one-eyed stranger

Love the laconic nature of this. A few suggestions to tighten it up further:

Knowing now
what I didn't then,
she was he below
the equator

I am also getting hung up on the fall preventing confrontation. You are getting hung up in a circular argument that the fall would have been a posteriori and not a priori, and therefore not preventative. I get the clever play on words with beneath and fall... But the wording is already so pithy that you have written yourself into a nonsensical corner that may be difficult to near impossible to back out of.

Hope the feedback is helpful. Thanks for sharing!