Metal

[Wjames]

Cold gleaming silver
imprints on the skin
above your heart.

Four years of iron
wither like a pick up
left to rust.

[dukealien]

Cold gleaming silver
imprints on the skin
above your heart.

Four years of iron
wither like a pick up
left to rust.

Not to spoil anyone else's take/interpretation, only expose my own (ignorant) one...

I see the badge and the service pistol - wives of policemen complain (including those who are officers themselves) about "always that iron between us."  As musical accompaniment, something resembling "I walk the line."

But I could be  utterly mistaken (g).  Very good:  the rhythm, which is perfect.  Tiny suggestion:  I'm reading "pickup" for "pick up," as in light truck.

Beautiful.

[Tiger the Lion]

Cold gleaming silver
imprints on the skin
above your heart.

Four years of iron
wither like a pick up
left to rust.

Hey WJ. I'm getting hung up on the word "wither". I just don't see either iron or a pickup as withering. It's too organic a word for metal. I almost wish you could use "rust" twice. But that's crazy talk.  Anyway, just my little hiccup.
The soft vowels in this short piece are very nice. They bring out the punch of "Cold" and "Iron".
Paul

[nibbed]

Cold gleaming silver
imprints on the skin
above your heart.

Four years of iron
wither like a pick up
left to rust.



I like the whole bit of it. It brought to memory the first time I drove. It was my daddy's copper Ford pick-up. I didn't see him often but I remember one summer he let me and my step sister drive it back and forth on a stretch of country road. It was so exciting. I think it must be a heap of rust. Strangely, I thought of beautiful, healing notes. It is precious verse, thoughtful. Thank you for sharing it, Wjames.


-nibbed