Posts: 751
Threads: 409
Joined: May 2014
How I Miss You
The metaphors get mangled
into cliche
and all that flooding and fire
wouldn't touch you anyway.
So no, it won't be some sad poem
that solves you.
It won't be me reducing you
to similes of oxygen
or nicotine
or Dad.
It won't be me endlessly pretending
you could live on paper.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
enjoyed the poem, the third stanza is excellent
Posts: 848
Threads: 232
Joined: Oct 2012
oh, the last line is a perfect tribute, with great word choices and phrasing along the way, very well written and very much enjoyed. Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Posts: 751
Threads: 409
Joined: May 2014
(09-28-2018, 01:42 PM)billy Wrote: enjoyed the poem, the third stanza is excellent
Thank you Billy, and thank you Billy.
Posts: 298
Threads: 45
Joined: Jul 2014
(09-28-2018, 12:38 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: How I Miss You
The metaphors get mangled
into cliche
and all that flooding and fire
wouldn't touch you anyway.
So no, it won't be some sad poem
that solves you.
It won't be me reducing you
to similes of oxygen
or nicotine
or Dad.
It won't be me endlessly pretending
you could live on paper.
i´d like to propose some changes for rhythm... not that it matters a lot.
"and all that fire and flooding"
"that could solve you"
"it won´t be me pretending endlessly
you´d live on paper"
(to me) the third stanza is a very inventive way to say "you´re the air that i breathe, you´re my drug, and the person i always needed (even it that admits to things missed and lost in the past)".
...
Posts: 1
Threads: 0
Joined: Dec 2018
very interested in this bit
" It won't be me reducing you
to similes of oxygen
or nicotine
or Dad."
very strong words and things we do have a effect as they clearly have with you as you express in your poetry.
Posts: 70
Threads: 9
Joined: Jun 2019
Like the poem, but think the rhyme in S1 is distracting - takes away from the mood of the poem.
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery. TS Eliot
