fall-moon (haiku)

[philip]

fall-moon lends silver;

the small change of golden rays

stolen from the sun

[dukealien]

fall-moon lends silver;

the small change of golden rays

stolen from the sun

Quite  nice concept (though my detail hobgoblin argues that the moon's only a fence if she stole those golden rays   ).  Might suggest colon or em dash rather than semicolon after L1 due to the close connection.

If you'll pardon the rewrite, the transaction could be kept on the up-and-up by making L3

     the sun invested

but L2 would then need to change, avoiding "the" at the start of both lines.  Just sayin'

Nice one, thanks for posting!

[philip]

hello Duke,

You seem to be reading too much into a simple, literal haiku.

Although, 'captured' would be more accurate, 'stolen' suffices. Sunlight strikes the moon's surface and is reflected back with a change in frequency to appear silver. That's it!
Any perceived metaphors are entirely the responsibility of the reader - and the punctuation is perfectly fine for me.

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.............P

[Torkelburger]

Very nice.  Love it.

[philip]

Hello Tb, I appreciate the encouragement.

[Mark A Becker]

Hi Phillip-
Stealing and lending indicate personification and it may make more sense if the first line is something like: "fat sun lends silver" .
The last line could be something to describe the "tension" between the two, like the new moon needing a larger loan (of light).
Cool idea to work with in such a compressed form, where every word counts.
Thanks for the read,
Mark

[philip]

Hello Mark,

As already said, 'stolen' might be a poetic interpretation, but 'lends' is perfectly legit.
As in, moonlight lends silver to the winter scenery, for example - think of it on those terms...

Thank you for commenting, and I appreciate the encouraging words.................Philip