Writing poetry

[busker]

Writing poetry

Always, in the night 
is poetry made beautiful
on a black screen, white letters 
tracing your sandalled feet
around a colonial city grand as its ghosts,
moonlight glistening on its  vast, nonsensical colonnades of words.

[TranquillityBase]

Writing poetry

Always, in the night 
is poetry made beautiful
on a black screen, white letters 
tracing your sandalled feet
around a colonial city grand as its ghosts,
moonlight glistening on its  vast, nonsensical colonnades of words.

The first two lines seem too blunt for the richness that starts with "on a black screen..."  Any way way to say that in a more, I don't know, dreamy way?

Poetry in the night
made beautiful
on a black screen....

[busker]

Thanks, TqB
I only like the last line
The rest is a cliche ridden pile of deadwood

I went through a creative phase sometime ago and words were coming to me naturally. Now they come in fits and bursts. It’s all part of the cycle.

---

Fits and bursts is also hackneyed
My next post will be about the arsenic content of certain copper concentrates….or taxes in Lesotho

[Mark A Becker]

Indeed busker, I can relate to the cycle.

I've had dreams in which I am aware of thinking in words- clearly, lucidly, and prolifically, and amazed that a dream could consist only of words.  Only to wake up to find my brain's in chains again.  Every now and then snippets will resurface. 

It's hard to keep the spigot running sometimes, but that's the price we pay trying to keep the water from running dry.  How's that for cliche?

Below, your piece, no words changed, yet most omitted, and then rearranged.  When I did that, it felt like waking up to a fragment from one of my dreams. So, thanks for that, at least: 

Night poetry
made on black,
tracing ghosts,
moonlight glistening
on vast colonnades
of words.