I'm scrapin'

[Nick]

I'm scrapin' the marrow

I'm scrapin' the marrow from the
splintered bones of my last hero

Sustenance

Flecks of sustenance as I cower

Cower under this shelf
This outcropping of old white guy

Trepidatiously I peer out at a
Skynet world

Shadow goverments
Shady leaders
Populations being winnowed
Pared back by "progress"


There was a time (and I remember this time) when it was said "Man will never walk on the moon"

And now it is said "World famine is impossible"
I ain't so sure


Weavin'

Weavin' the sinew of my last hero

Weavin' a cord

A sling cord

Need a pouch

Here's one

Need stones

Here's two


Guy once told me "You have to give a bit of yourself to the effort"

I understand that now as I sip rainwater from the skull top cup
of
my last hero

[rowens]

You stripped this poem threadbare, too. I think it's effective. It is effective at the end. But some might not make it that far. It's a very thin and hollow poem. The line breaks are jagged. I admire its unseemliness, put there just isn't enough to make it memorable. I was going to say there just isn't enough to chew on, but that would be silly. And I'm tired of silliness.

I think it's interesting. If it was part of a longer thing, like a section of some longer story, it might work better. As it is, it can barely handle the weight of even these simple lines:

Shadow governments
Shady leaders
Populations being winnowed
Pared back by "progress"

[bena]

feels like a song to me. Or I could make it one. Todd definitely pinpointed the best stanza for me. It is a bit wandering and all over the place. It needs maybe something to bring all the scattered thoughts together. But I do really like the way it flows.

[Erthona]

David still waiting for Goliath, but ammo is never a problem, old white guys always have a couple of worthless stones! Ha, I just saw T3 recently, have you read "Colossus" by Dennis Feltham Jones? Oh well, Frankenstein is always waiting in the wings.

BTW Maybe writing it as "skull-top cup" would make it a bit more readable. I know what a "skull cup" is, but having the "top" in there caused me to have to pause and figure out what you meant. I first though there was something called a "top cup" I had never heard of, (I guess maybe there is in France?), but if there is, it doesn't seem common. So I am assuming you mean skull-top, although the "top" part seems somewhat redundant to me, as well as confusing. If it means something else, maybe you could explicate.

Regardless, a fun and humorous read,

Dale

[Nick]

You stripped this poem threadbare, too. I think it's effective. It is effective at the end. But some might not make it that far. It's a very thin and hollow poem. The line breaks are jagged. I admire its unseemliness, put there just isn't enough to make it memorable. I was going to say there just isn't enough to chew on, but that would be silly. And I'm tired of silliness.

I think it's interesting. If it was part of a longer thing, like a section of some longer story, it might work better. As it is, it can barely handle the weight of even these simple lines:

Shadow governments
Shady leaders
Populations being winnowed
Pared back by "progress"

Thanks for your comments.

---

feels like a song to me. Or I could make it one. Todd definitely pinpointed the best stanza for me. It is a bit wandering and all over the place. It needs maybe something to bring all the scattered thoughts together. But I do really like the way it flows.

Make it a song if you like.
And thanks for commenting.

---

David still waiting for Goliath, but ammo is never a problem, old white guys always have a couple of worthless stones! Ha, I just saw T3 recently, have you read "Colossus" by Dennis Feltham Jones? Oh well, Frankenstein is always waiting in the wings.

BTW Maybe writing it as "skull-top cup" would make it a bit more readable. I know what a "skull cup" is, but having the "top" in there caused me to have to pause and figure out what you meant. I first though there was something called a "top cup" I had never heard of, (I guess maybe there is in France?), but if there is, it doesn't seem common. So I am assuming you mean skull-top, although the "top" part seems somewhat redundant to me, as well as confusing. If it means something else, maybe you could explicate.

Regardless, a fun and humorous read,

Dale

Nice to see someone got the stones (and pouch?) parts. Yeah, the skynet term was learned from the Terminator movie. I ain't seen the third one. Looked at the Colossus internet info. Are you familiar with "Odyssey 5"? I have seen the (unfinished) series. Quite thought provoking in my opinion.

Frankenstein's monster. Ah, such a metaphor for many of man's efforts.

skull top cup - suggest you google kapala to get where this comes from.

Had one in the palm of my right hand once. Ain't nothin' else I ever touched vibrates like it did.

Glad you enjoyed the little dribble.

Nick

[Erthona]

I was objecting to the use of the word "top", not "skull cup". I was meaning to say I had never seen it referred to using the word "top" as part of the phrase. Although I have practiced Tantric Yoga, I have never held a genuine skull cup ritual object, that would be interesting.

I am unfamiliar with "Odyssey 5", I will search it out.

Dale


kapala: "cup made of a human skull, frequently offered by worshipers to the fierce Tantric deities of Hindu India and Buddhist Tibet. In Tibet the skull cup is displayed on the Buddhist altar"

---

I looked it up ("Odyssey 5"), looks interesting but I don't think I have access to it. I like Peter Weller.

Dale

[Nick]

I was objecting to the use of the word "top", not "skull cup". I was meaning to say I had never seen it referred to using the word "top" as part of the phrase. Although I have practiced Tantric Yoga, I have never held a genuine skull cup ritual object, that would be interesting.

I am unfamiliar with "Odyssey 5", I will search it out.

Dale


kapala: "cup made of a human skull, frequently offered by worshipers to the fierce Tantric deities of Hindu India and Buddhist Tibet. In Tibet the skull cup is displayed on the Buddhist altar"

---

I looked it up ("Odyssey 5"), looks interesting but I don't think I have access to it. I like Peter Weller.

Dale

I went with skull top cup rather than skull cup because I felt the average reader, with skull cup, would infer the entire skull inverted was being used. Bowl would be more accurate.
Gonna give this part of the piece some thought.


I got access to Odyssey 5 via my local library. It is an on the shelf dvd.
They can get almost anything from any other library in US with a loan request.

Later,
Nick