Improvement

[Wjames]

A low growl curls in the mirror
at the discount gym.

The drawstring of your sweats
will not be untied, lacking proper form
has languished the loops
into clumps.

There is no banana in your smoothie.

The woman on the stair climber
might not be crying
about your lack of progress.

Trembling in plank,
you don’t have the strength
to keep your body still.

The only destination is collapse.

The floor is speckled black rubber
and you lie prone on a thin red mat.

You must shower.

Flip flops condom your feet,
but nothing protects your lungs
from black mold and assorted fungus.

A low growl curls.

[FroglovesToad]

Hi Wjames!

I think this poem could use more voice, so the audience can better understand their perspective. Why is the speaker struggling? Is this normal for the speaker?

I think the line about the woman on the stair climber may be a bit confusing for readers. If the tears are metaphorical or if the statement is semi-satirical, it might be best to expand on this to cement your purpose. Additionally, I think you could experiment more with the imagery used. Can the speaker hear the gymgoers hitting the punching bags, sweat dripping onto the speckled black rubber floor? Can they taste the emptiness of the smoothie without the usual banana?

I liked how you incorporated the theme of the gym as a negative space, as it's not a concept that I see often. I'd love to see what you do next with this.

[micah3801]

A low growl curls in mirror
at the discount gym.

The drawstring of your sweats
will not be untied, lacking proper form
has languished the loops
into clumps.

There is no banana in your smoothie.

The woman on the stair climber
might not be crying
about your lack of progress.
the way i see this stanza is that the narrator is interpreting everyone at the gym (the woman on the stair climber being one of them) as paying attention to their progress, and then reminding themselves that she is probably not paying attention. with that interpretation, i like it, tho the verb crying is still confusing to me. 
Trembling in plank,
you don’t have the strength
to keep your body still.

The only destination is collapse.
really enjoy the collapse-as-destination
The floor is speckled black rubber
and you lie prone on a thin red mat.

You must shower.

Flip flops condom your feet,
but nothing protects your lungs
from black mold and assorted fungus.

A low growl curls.

i like this! i think it could use some more intentional word choice to really get the images across in a punchy way, but the bones are good and i like where it is going. i think using the gym as the setting is a more rare choice in poetry that i enjoy.

[Bunx]

A low growl curls in mirror
at the discount gym.  Rec center

The drawstring of your sweats
will not be untied, lacking proper form
has languished the loops I'd cut has and the 
into clumps.

There is no banana in your smoothie. Maybe start at "no" your clearly missing the fancy gym

The woman on the stair climber
might not be crying
about your lack of progress. Ok narrator missing attention from women. Trust fund bro ran out of trust??

Trembling in plank,
you don’t have the strength
to keep your body still.

The only destination is collapse. "Collapsed destination frustration" perhaps?

The floor is speckled black rubber
and you lie prone on a thin red mat.

You must shower.

Flip flops condom your feet,
but nothing protects your lungs
from black mold and assorted fungus.

A low growl curls.

Just some ideas my friend

[RiverNotch]

i love this. i read this as pure unadulterated shade, and i'm here for it. there's also a stanza here that makes me think this is directed to a specific person identifiable not just to the speaker, but that might just be me being terminally online -- though not as terminally online as the imagined victim.

stanza one, suggested changes:

A low growl curls in the mirror
of a discount gym.

i was just missing that article, plus the substitution of the definite with an indefinite in the second line enhances the somewhat dehumanizing intent of this first barrage.

after this, it just gets more and more delicious. the personification of the drawstrings, in that they "languish" rather than anything else -- the in-my-mind upper-middle-class California-aspiring backhanded-insult "There is no banana in your smoothie" -- the subjunctive negative turning a pathetic cry into a bathetic sob -- "Trembling in plank" being a quintessentially modern, if still somewhat distinctive, turn of phrase, letting the next couple of lines be more generic -- the undramatic, entirely predictable, yet still zesty punchline that is the next stanza -- the stanza after that, with the p/b and k sounds of "speckled black rubber" rubbing in how embarrassing the situation is and "thin red mat" overstatedly echoing the more classic "thin red line" -- the crotchet/quarter rest that is "You must shower" -- and the equal parts sexualization and specificity ("black mold") of the penultimate stanza: it's all very effective, and very funny. the last stanza echoing the first is fine by me, though i could also suggest the first few lines be altered as such:

A low growl curls
in the mirror
of a distant gym.

or

A low growl curls
in the mirror of a distant gym.

but i don't think it matters. lovely work.

[Bunx]

I love how this poem changed from me from
Regret to acceptance and work
Great edits!

Hopefully what I added helped I'm nervous and always have been surrounding serious criticism

Haha I dont know if your edited or I had a mentality change ugh

[Wjames]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone - this was written as sort of an attack on myself. Things that are worth doing are often unpleasant - suck it up and do it anyway.

I did add a the to the first stanza like River suggested. I think maybe the title is carrying too much of the positive aspect of the above, but then I think that going to the gym is obviously a 'good' thing to do, and adding something in the body like that could be heavy handed.