I took (maybe not the title)

[JamesG]

I took your lip
between my teeth
and traced its edges
with my tongue.

I took your breast
into my hand,
and felt its weight,
and knew your beat.

I took your skin
and stretched it clean
and measured it
against my own.

I took your hair
and pulled it tight
and held you fast
against the wind.

I took your gaze
but gave you none,
withheld my hand,
you fell, undone.

I ate you up,
spat out your bones,
but kept the rest,
locked up, alone.


Possibly goes a bit serial killer at the end; also, not a great end.

[dukealien]

I took your lip
between my teeth
and traced its edges  I get only one edge (where the vermilion part changes to overall flesh tone, that one) unless it's a cupid's-bow
with my tongue.

I took your breast
into my hand,
and felt its weight,
and knew your beat.  This stanza works well.

I took your skin
and stretched it clean  "clean" is problematic - did dirt fall off when stretched?
and measured it
against my own.

I took your hair
and pulled it tight
and held you fast
against the wind.  could see "and held it fast" here unless wind-blown draperies are involved

I took your gaze
but gave you none,  good, though convoluted way to describe admiration or adoration without acknowledgement
withheld my hand,
you fell, undone.  the narrator is a really self-confident dominator here.  Narcissist?

I ate you up,
spat out your bones,  I take this as image, not reality - the dependent victim's skeleton of self, dominated.
but kept the rest,
locked up, alone.  "alone" may be trying too hard, or giving up too easily, for the sake of the rhyme.


Possibly goes a bit serial killer at the end; also, not a great end.

In moderate critique, I read this as more Lothario or narcissist than serial killer.  The narrator quite likes the victim (at least her total submission) rather than being disgusted by it, which is better than nothing or (pretended) indifference.  "Lady-killer," in the social sense, not literal murderer.

A couple of words are jarring, as noted above.  That's good, keeps the reader's attention, but since they tend to be at the ends of lines there's a suspicion they were chosen partly for rhyme.  In S3, for example, "clean" can't be "tight" because you're building to that in S4.  Could S4 use a different word?  Look to change the reason for a questionable decision rather than the result...

Overall, some may find this unpleasant or even threatening, but to me it's a good, reasonably tight (g) description of the overconfident - or over-successful - aggressor's state of mind.  A title may not be really necessary, but you could try something in the food line - "Main Course" or "Side Dish," but better.