12-16-2011, 02:35 PM
old pond
a frog jumps in
a fish eats it
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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sound of crunching
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12-16-2011, 08:07 PM
matsuo basho wrote one without the fish;
old pond; frog jumps in — sound of water. i think i prefer yours. (is it's needed on the last line) i think titles are a cheat but not with this one, it adds that extra dimension. nicely done. 
12-16-2011, 08:38 PM
Wasted Bait
summertime cricket flood crunchy tires
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
12-16-2011, 08:42 PM
if possible dale, try throw them on their own thread.
 i like the double cut of this one. and both show that the 575 format isn't necessary. the title of this one works well also. crunchy tyres being my fave line. thanks for the read to the pair of you, i enjoy seeing clever haiku. 
12-17-2011, 12:07 AM
billy said: "if possible dale, try throw them on their own thread" I should have stated that my intention was for responses in the form of addition fauxku (as well as smart-ass [or any other] remarks). That works best in a single thread as sometimes the f-u (fauxku) isn't self-contained but riffs on a previous one. "...the 575 format isn't necessary..." In English, the 575 format usually produces inferior haiku, same for fauxku. (IMHO, of course.) "the title of this one works well also." Titling fauxku is optional, but is usually the exception (as are most other things in fauxku). Also note that the definition of fauxku (as the name doesn't imply) does not preclude entities that appear, on the surface (or below with the frogs and fishies) to be (or are actually) haiku. (The title in this case is for the thread as well.) P.S. LOVE those crunchy tires! ------ old pond summer drought smell of dead fish
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
12-17-2011, 01:02 AM
warm sea
shark fishing lost hand
12-17-2011, 01:14 AM
old pond slippery bank sound of water old pond spring algal bloom high phosphate laundry detergent
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
12-17-2011, 01:21 AM
old pond
methane gas rusty shopping trolley
12-17-2011, 01:22 AM
old pond
old bridge old man
12-17-2011, 01:23 AM
frozen old pond
young ice skaters lost fingers 
12-17-2011, 04:17 AM
Boys ( I don't think the term gentlemen necessarily applies), if one reads this top to bottom, the emerging rhythm and effect is the same as reading The Berenstain's B Book.
"Big brown bear blue bull beautiful babboon blowing bubbles biking backward Bump! Black bug"
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
12-17-2011, 07:41 AM
spring artillery lights the sky - new pond
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
12-17-2011, 07:49 PM
that looks like a diouble bubble Aish
nuclear war. giant mushrooms lots of of ponds
12-17-2011, 08:22 PM
spring continents shift tectonically new ocean
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
12-17-2011, 08:53 PM
ash clouds in summer
mount pinatubo erupts. pyroclastic flood
01-01-2012, 03:22 PM
Billy Likes
Dangling participles hanging limbs lost appendages
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
01-04-2012, 07:27 AM
old pond it rains new fish
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
01-04-2012, 09:03 AM
Old woman
her navel breast on either side.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. |
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