Torture

[heslopian]

We'd discuss Mengele's atrocities
while forking slabs of chicken
dipped in apple sauce.
Human evil brought dad alive,
though his tastes were more classic than mum's;
she read about killer hippies on short summer nights,
he preferred the queer-burnings, bottomless pits
and a witch's lament.

I'd place a big toe against the hot tap,
after letting it run awhile,
to see if I'd be any good at being tortured
(I wouldn't). We viewed our fellows' suffering
like horny teenagers, mum, dad and I,
her with her books, him with his facts,
me with my curiosity.

[rowens]

This seems pretty good. It tells the simple story with just enough detail. If there's a serious question, it'll probably be where the "(I wouldn't)" should go. Which line would be best for it.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind feedback, rowens

[rowens]

I don't have a lot to say, sometimes, when it's a critique section poem, and it seems to be doing well on its own.

[benthejack]

Heh great poem!
I particularly like how "while forking slabs of chicken
dipped in apple sauce." Sets the scene as some kind of unconcerned and slightly malicious outside viewer of other's pain. Great scene setting.

I don't have anything in terms of solid crit sorry, it sets a solid scene and says everything in a pretty and succinct package.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind feedback, benthejack

[cidermaid]

Hi Heslopian (Is it Jack?..sorry can't remember all the names from the roll call thing).

Your poem at first read is short and bitter sweet and allows the reader to skim through without much surface disruption. But I find on subsequesnt readings the creep of disquiet sets in and I am subtely drawn into the same pitfall of that insatiable desire for the "nasty" things in life. Your poem is very clever in my opinion in creating a sort of internal feedback loop within the mind. The initial reaction of "Oh no we don't do that sort of thing", whilst holding our little finger aloft from our tea cup, is quickly exposed for the lie that it is when we start to ponder the aspects of the word / examples choices presented. Why Mengele?...I'll just have a quick look and make sure i didn't miss something from his bio. What do those hippies get up to?...and oh my God they burn queers do they, I'd not heard of this before (and so on).
Well penned sir. You have set a skillful trip wire.
The other thing i enjoyed the journey on was the choice of apple sauce to go with your chicken. (Why chicken and apple took me down a path that left me wanting the chicken to be de-skinned. The whole Eden thing and animal welfare issues going on for me in there).....I know I need to get a life.
Oh and last thing i don't think the (I wouldn't) needs to be moved.
Thanks for the read.

AJ

[heslopian]

Thank you for your great feedback, cidermaid, and feel free to call me Jack I like your "finger aloft from our tea cup" image. The girls in my high school drama class would make fun of me for raising my little finger when I drained a coke bottle

[serge gurkski]

very good. (Not bc of Mengele ,-) )

[Bizzy]

I like this a lot. That horrible human thing that makes us all slightly gleeful voyeurs of another's tragedy is so well portrayed and I love the way he tests himself by touching the tap with his toe - so banal and so true!

[heslopian]

Thank you, serge and Bizzy, for your kind comments I like your phrase "gleeful voyeurs", Bizzy.

[lolo]

What I liked about this poem is that it makes you think all the violence you see on TV isn't a new phenomenum, that its a reflection rather than the cause of what has always been around us. That being the taste for macabre is innate in us all- the little boy who likes to kill little critters or the more gory ones. And similarly the audience- whether its the boy testing his toes in hot water or those attuned to more graphic stuff. Very clever poem. I thought one line is missing from the end. Or maybe it's good it leaves you wanting more.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind feedback, lolo