A Spy's Lament Upon Retirement

[Todd]

Her Majesty was quite sincere
that I should live with this veneer.
A simple man his work now done.
This cigarette is not a gun.

Oh, nothing shaken, nothing stirred
with prune juice words are never slurred.
At least I’m constant in my fun.
This cigarette is not a gun.

Pussy Galore, she is no more.
No sheets lay tangled on the floor.
From many conquests now to none,
this cigarette is not a gun.

My bed is empty and so cold.
How did I ever get this old?
Escaped all death traps save this one.
This cigarette is not a gun.

License to kill, I want to scream.
This is a nightmare not a dream.
I need a light, a blackened lung.
This cigarette is not a gun.




(I almost never write outside of free verse. This is one of the poems I did with Brandon in the chess thread, and I wanted to see if it held together)

[Keith]

Not a gun no, but they are coffin nails, Great bond theme with the cigarette as the villan this really works for me and carry's the Gov health warning with style befitting of 007, I wish I'd wrote it. Keith

[hamartia]

If the fact that I put out the fag I was smoking whilst reading this is anything to go by, I'd say it's done its job. Though it didn't seem like the cigarette was a villain, to me, more a kind of slow suicide. I don't know, I'm game either way.

[Todd]

Keith & Hamartia,

Thank you for reading and commenting.

I hadn't thought of the cigarette as the villain, but I can see how it could be.

Appreciate the feedback from both of you.

Todd

[brandontoh]

I really liked this one, which I already mentioned in the thread. One problem I find is that some rhymes feel kind of forced. At first glance it doesn't seem so, but further readings made lines like 'constant in my fun', 'my bed is empty and so cold' and 'this is a nightmare not a dream' sound quite unnatural. This poem from what I understand is what it is. The title explains everything. Which leads to the next problem, that while it's supposed to be a lament, it doesn't really sound like one. This may be due to the rhyme scheme, but as it stands I don't really get this sigh-heavy theme that you may want. Hope I'm of help! =)

[Todd]

Thank you Brandon. I appreciate your thoughts on this. Maybe a slight title tweak. I'll go over the rhymes and content a bit too.

Best,

Todd