Where I must be...edit 2, trueenigma,edit 1. billy the cliche killer

[Truerenigma]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then if the breeze is brittle, can we then snap it in two?
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick; this inversion destroys a beautiful line slick needles i get, needles slick? Yawn. it rhymes! That's amazing. Not really.
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.
Nice
I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days. Wew! It all 'sounds' good but as you even said yourself, it completely fails.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; ok getting out the dictionary, well not too bad but then I'm no botanist.
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.
Nice image
I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.
In other words any damn where?
I need to be
where I must be.
Where? Scottish highlands? But you said that already, why all the extra rhetoric?
Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

Hi true,
Thanks for all. You are twisting the knife that I stuck in myself with the slick prick stick click line. I will take another pot at it. What is you reference to unimpressed/marine biologists about? Do I need to know?
I may need to remove a line from the closers but when you write something in situ you take a personal risk of losing you own memory trigger....I am glad, though, that you deduced it was Scotland .What was it? Bens, highland, flings, lochs, braes.....?

Its a bit much but overall it's not too bad. It's easy to see from this that you're a good writer but its literary over done. Like a resume for a writers club, or a mycology group which makes it literary not that interesting to me. Literally. I'm not impressed that you can consult a marine biologist to find a rhyme. I am however, impressed with some of the imagery.
Keep at it.
Thank for sharing (to quote serge)

Highlands. Bosom bends was indecipherable to me..i was referring to the scientific terminology. Marine biologist was really the best term..

[Crepuscule]

Highlands. Bosom bends was indecipherable to me..i was referring to the scientific terminology. Marine biologist was really the best term..

The only vaguely scientific term here is "bryophytic". While townspeople might not recognise it, I imagine it's a word that most people who spend time in the hills would understand. Does poetry have to pander to the lowest common denominator in any case?

Also, why a marine biologist? There are no marine bryophytes.

[Heartafire]

Tektac, forgive me for dropping just a few words and being unable to offer any suggestions for improvements ( will endure the 40 lashes if need be ...make that 20) This is a beautiful text. Congratulations!
Here:
need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

near perfection
Heart

[Truerenigma]

Highlands. Bosom bends was indecipherable to me..i was referring to the scientific terminology. Marine biologist was really the best term..

The only vaguely scientific term here is "bryophytic". While townspeople might not recognise it, I imagine it's a word that most people who spend time in the hills would understand. Does poetry have to pander to the lowest common denominator in any case?

Also, why a marine biologist? There are no marine bryophytes.

I meant marine biologist was NOT the best term. Apologies. Should have said 'panel of scientists' .I was trying to inject some humor to soften the blow, and failed miserable. Some crits will feel that your only pandering to your ego, and referring to townspeople as the 'the lowest common Denominator' only furthers this this presumption.
Sorry about the lack of relevance in my own terminology. I'm just a stupid townie (who was born in the mountain) and i guess this poem is not for me.
If you want people to its Scotland why not just say Scottish bens? I excused busom bens because after reading 'highland haze' i google scottish highland bens and got a good image.
(I actually did like the poem)
How many mountaineers actually read poetry?

[Crepuscule]

Highlands. Bosom bends was indecipherable to me..i was referring to the scientific terminology. Marine biologist was really the best term..

The only vaguely scientific term here is "bryophytic". While townspeople might not recognise it, I imagine it's a word that most people who spend time in the hills would understand. Does poetry have to pander to the lowest common denominator in any case?

Also, why a marine biologist? There are no marine bryophytes.

I meant marine biologist was NOT the best term. Apologies. Should have said 'panel of scientists' .I was trying to inject some humor to soften the blow, and failed miserable. Some crits will feel that your only pandering to your ego, and referring to townspeople as the 'the lowest common Denominator' only furthers this this presumption.
Sorry about the lack of relevance in my own terminology. I'm just a stupid townie (who was born in the mountain) and i guess this poem is not for me.
If you want people to its Scotland why not just say Scottish bens? I excused busom bens because after reading 'highland haze' i google scottish highland bens and got a good image.
(I actually did like the poem)
How many mountaineers actually read poetry?

I mean the lowest common denominator in any situation: not just this particular example and certainly not in a disparaging way. Do we need to simplify language or explain terms that may be difficult for potential readers who might be unfamiliar with the subject matter?

Tektac... is Sheildaig a typo?

[Truerenigma]

To simplify,
Scientific terms are cold and sterile. They lack the warm, poetic, Profundity that you are reaching for in in relating natural perceptions to the philosophical 'where I need to be, making this poem not about the highlands, but about yourself, and your mycology. I know are a fungi, but your spores just aren't that interesting. The over-glossed alliteration disrupts the imagery, and renders bryophytes germane. Is that better?

[tectak]

I really like it, but there are one or two niggles...

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; bryophytic is fine... it's of marginal technicality at worst
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.Poitin is Irish... this kind of spoils the moment for me Not just irish. it is gaelic. I am half Scottish. Check it out then be happy
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

---

Hi true,
Thanks for all. You are twisting the knife that I stuck in myself with the slick prick stick click line. I will take another pot at it. What is you reference to unimpressed/marine biologists about? Do I need to know?
I may need to remove a line from the closers but when you write something in situ you take a personal risk of losing you own memory trigger....I am glad, though, that you deduced it was Scotland .What was it? Bens, highland, flings, lochs, braes.....?

Its a bit much but overall it's not too bad. It's easy to see from this that you're a good writer but its literary over done. Like a resume for a writers club, or a mycology group which makes it literary not that interesting to me. Literally. I'm not impressed that you can consult a marine biologist to find a rhyme. I am however, impressed with some of the imagery.
Keep at it.
Thank for sharing (to quote serge)

Highlands. Bosom bends was indecipherable to me..i was referring to the scientific terminology. Marine biologist was really the best term..

Bens not bends. Marine biologist is the WORST term you could have used I will post you a picture if I can master the technicalities.
Best,
tectak

---

Hi true,
Thanks for all. You are twisting the knife that I stuck in myself with the slick prick stick click line. I will take another pot at it. What is you reference to unimpressed/marine biologists about? Do I need to know?
I may need to remove a line from the closers but when you write something in situ you take a personal risk of losing you own memory trigger....I am glad, though, that you deduced it was Scotland .What was it? Bens, highland, flings, lochs, braes.....?

Its a bit much but overall it's not too bad. It's easy to see from this that you're a good writer but its literary over done. Like a resume for a writers club, or a mycology group which makes it literary not that interesting to me. Literally. I'm not impressed that you can consult a marine biologist to find a rhyme. I am however, impressed with some of the imagery.
Keep at it.
Thank for sharing (to quote serge)

Highlands. Bosom bends was indecipherable to me..i was referring to the scientific terminology. Marine biologist was really the best term..

Bens not bends. Marine biologist is the WORST term you could have used I will post you a picture if I can master the technicalities.
Best,
tectak

---

Tektac, forgive me for dropping just a few words and being unable to offer any suggestions for improvements ( will endure the 40 lashes if need be ...make that 20) This is a beautiful text. Congratulations!
Here:
need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

near perfection
Heart

Love you too but lash me three!
Best,
tectak

---

The only vaguely scientific term here is "bryophytic". While townspeople might not recognise it, I imagine it's a word that most people who spend time in the hills would understand. Does poetry have to pander to the lowest common denominator in any case?

Also, why a marine biologist? There are no marine bryophytes.

I meant marine biologist was NOT the best term. Apologies. Should have said 'panel of scientists' .I was trying to inject some humor to soften the blow, and failed miserable. Some crits will feel that your only pandering to your ego, and referring to townspeople as the 'the lowest common Denominator' only furthers this this presumption.
Sorry about the lack of relevance in my own terminology. I'm just a stupid townie (who was born in the mountain) and i guess this poem is not for me.
If you want people to its Scotland why not just say Scottish bens? I excused busom bens because after reading 'highland haze' i google scottish highland bens and got a good image.
(I actually did like the poem)
How many mountaineers actually read poetry?

I mean the lowest common denominator in any situation: not just this particular example and certainly not in a disparaging way. Do we need to simplify language or explain terms that may be difficult for potential readers who might be unfamiliar with the subject matter?

Tektac... is Sheildaig a typo?

No. It is a place.

---

Highlands. Bosom bends was indecipherable to me..i was referring to the scientific terminology. Marine biologist was really the best term..

The only vaguely scientific term here is "bryophytic". While townspeople might not recognise it, I imagine it's a word that most people who spend time in the hills would understand. Does poetry have to pander to the lowest common denominator in any case?

Also, why a marine biologist? There are no marine bryophytes.

I meant marine biologist was NOT the best term. Apologies. Should have said 'panel of scientists' .I was trying to inject some humor to soften the blow, and failed miserable. Some crits will feel that your only pandering to your ego, and referring to townspeople as the 'the lowest common Denominator' only furthers this this presumption.
Sorry about the lack of relevance in my own terminology. I'm just a stupid townie (who was born in the mountain) and i guess this poem is not for me.
If you want people to its Scotland why not just say Scottish bens? I excused busom bens because after reading 'highland haze' i google scottish highland bens and got a good image.
(I actually did like the poem)
How many mountaineers actually read poetry?

1,473

---

To simplify,
Scientific terms are cold and sterile. They lack the warm, poetic, Profundity that you are reaching for in in relating natural perceptions to the philosophical 'where I need to be, making this poem not about the highlands, but about yourself, and your mycology. I know are a fungi, but your spores just aren't that interesting. The over-glossed alliteration disrupts the imagery, and renders bryophytes germane. Is that better?

Yes.

[Truerenigma]

By germane, i also mean mundane. Having to look up bosom bens is worth it because it's a fun image, like the rest of the poem. To make it interesting you could use a female metaphor for the highlands throughout, because hey, let's face it, sex sells. Then juxtapose the scientific, but then you run the risk of it sounding like 'i need to be , but really just to collect fungi samples. There is also a hint of a riddle here, or inside joke, like your laughing at the pink lemonade drinkers(see that? Inside joke )as they struggle to figure out what the hell you're talking about. Perhaps i should put 'giant fluffy cumulonimbus puffs' in my revision of snowbirds, instead of dark grey clouds. . On the other hand, this poem does need less work than mine. Just a fine tuning, I'd say. It's bordering on brilliance, but close enough for me to demand that brilliance. Some of the images like 'pine scent in the gloaming air (this includes a well know scent. A perfumed imaged!. put me right there) jump out and hit me right in the face.when i lost that feeling it saddened me deeply. I'd say 5 stars if it were for a highland brochure, or an intro to a biography of your mycology excursions, anything more, well..we'll need more.
Thanks for the read (and for bearing with me through my original critique, and confounding typos.
To quote in my Southern American drawl:
"britt-al brayeezaz n buyrofalactac brazeaz?! What 'n 'tarnashun is all thees jeeber jabber?
Looking forward to the rendition,
True

[Crepuscule]

Tektac... is Sheildaig a typo?

No. It is a place.
[/quote]

As in Shieldaig?

[tectak]

Tektac... is Sheildaig a typo?

No. It is a place.

As in Shieldaig?
[/quote]

Yes. That's a plaice, too. Fishy,that.

[tectak]

I have a need to know about these cap wearing buzzards that are as pure as faith and prayer. What is up with these buzzards?

milo

Hi milo,
I am still stuck on the problem of disassociating (syntax wise) the buggering buzzards from the brassieres. I hoped originally that by using "bosom" to describe the bens followed by "cUpped" rather than "cApped" would carry it, but I am doubting myself,now.
A few fun changes. Thanks for input.
Best,
tectak

---

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass panes on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops dance in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

there is something amusing about buzzards wearing white hats that will always bring a smile to my face.

The sonics are nice throughout (although the alliteration is heavy handed with a blushing self awareness). Some of the lines 'sound' so nice and fresh it is easy to forget they don't actually hold water ('brittle breeze' 'glass panes on sun sweat days').

Also, the writing is a high enough caliber that I want some closure, some explication. Yah, you need to be somewhere, I need to be at work, for a paycheck. They are not going to pay you to hang around in Scotland, retired or not.

Still, fun read.

milo

Hi milo,
history now, but changed panes (n) to paned (adj). Any better Thin ice, you see.
Best,
trctak

---

I really like it, but there are one or two niggles...

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; bryophytic is fine... it's of marginal technicality at worst
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.Poitin is Irish... this kind of spoils the moment for me
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

I owe you an apology or at least an explanation. I used gin clear to start with. A cliche. I know the scottish "clearic" but it was too close to "clear" I am considering "clear as shot" to get back to whisky but accept that poitin is more Celtic tha Gaelic...I excuse its use with the "but". "Clear as poitin,peat soft, BUT strained through quartz and sand."
The Torridon range is quartzite peaks on sandstone braes.
Best,
tectak

[milo]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

The buzzards are still a problem, I know you want snow-capped mountains, but because you started your sentence talking about buzzards, first what they are doing and then what they are wearing, it becomes amusing.

The music, as I said before is quite nice. I know you need "quartz and sand" for your music, but otherwise quartz is useless and the technician in me says find something else.

"I sip the land" is perfect.

I see some qualms over bryophytic but they are ridiculous, the words has a beautiful Scottish lilt to it and, geez, how lazy can people get when google is everywhere now?

I might, if I was being picky, complain about raindrops dancing as I believe they made a car wax with a similar name so it /might/ be cliche.

sea sobs shore is good
wild hart roar is good


the language does fade at the end, but so be it, it is certainly dense enough throughout to support.

cheers

milo

[Crepuscule]

"Clear as poitin,peat soft, BUT strained through quartz and sand."
The Torridon range is quartzite peaks on sandstone braes.
Best,
tectak

Shame it's not schist... "strained through schist and sand" would sound nice.

[tectak]

"Clear as poitin,peat soft, BUT strained through quartz and sand."
The Torridon range is quartzite peaks on sandstone braes.
Best,
tectak

Shame it's not schist... "strained through schist and sand" would sound nice.

Yeh. Bugger....you can't have everything!
Best,
tectak

---

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.  
I need to feel the brittle breeze first  numb my  brow and then
upon my cheek,  sharp  needles shed from high, dry sticks;  
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent  in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach  from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.  

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

The buzzards are still a problem, I know you want snow-capped mountains, but because you started your sentence talking about buzzards, first what they are doing and then what they are wearing, it becomes amusing.

The music, as I said before is quite nice.  I know you need "quartz and sand" for your music, but otherwise quartz is useless and the technician in me says find something else.

"I sip the land" is perfect.

I see some qualms over bryophytic but they are ridiculous, the words has a beautiful Scottish lilt to it and, geez, how lazy can people get when google is everywhere now?

I might, if I was being picky, complain about raindrops dancing as I believe they made a car wax with a similar name so it /might/ be cliche.

sea sobs shore is good
wild hart roar is good


the language does fade at the end, but so be it, it is certainly dense enough throughout to support.

cheers

milo

Hi milo,
A reread. "As raindrops FLING in Highland air"   Highland Fling...get it
Quartz and sand for music. No. The Torridon Munroes REALLY are quartzite peaks  on sandstone braes!
I cannot get the image out of your head It is the bloody bosom bens that are CUPPED (bosom-cupped-brassiere-bustenhalter) in white cotton kufti....not the buggering buzzards!
See attached.
Best,
   tectak

---

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens, i googled but never found the bosom bens, i'm figuring it's a type of fungi. good opening line.
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.  good image
I need to feel the brittle breeze first  numb my  brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed  needles slick;  could something better than sticks be used? i know it works with click and slick but it feels out of place. a stick usually being a dead thing.
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent  in the gloaming air.,

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays; cracking image
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days. and again
I need to drink fast streams that leach  from bryophytic braes; i'm sure it works but wonder if it works well enough? i'm guessing many will view bryophytic as being something akin to greek syphilis
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand. clear as gin is cliche extreme
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.  

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be. the last 3 lines feel to poetic/forced.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

i enjoyed it till the end where i think you ran out of good sentences to use
still an enjoyable read

....and for billy...see attached. Thanks
Tectak

[milo]

[quote='Crepuscule' pid='122714' dateline='1365672362']

Hi milo,
A reread. "As raindrops FLING in Highland air" Highland Fling...get it
Quartz and sand for music. No. The Torridon Munroes REALLY are quartzite peaks on sandstone braes!
I cannot get the image out of your head It is the bloody bosom bens that are CUPPED (bosom-cupped-brassiere-bustenhalter) in white cotton kufti....not the buggering buzzards!
See attached.
Best,
tectak

---

yes, my friend, I know you are referring to actual quartz, but it just doesn't add to the read.

milo

[Truerenigma]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

The buzzards are still a problem, I know you want snow-capped mountains, but because you started your sentence talking about buzzards, first what they are doing and then what they are wearing, it becomes amusing.

The music, as I said before is quite nice. I know you need "quartz and sand" for your music, but otherwise quartz is useless and the technician in me says find something else.

"I sip the land" is perfect.

I see some qualms over bryophytic but they are ridiculous, the words has a beautiful Scottish lilt to it and, geez, how lazy can people get when google is everywhere now?

I might, if I was being picky, complain about raindrops dancing as I believe they made a car wax with a similar name so it /might/ be cliche.

sea sobs shore is good
wild hart roar is good


the language does fade at the end, but so be it, it is certainly dense enough throughout to support.

cheers

milo

The qualms were not over having to look it up. It felt out of place, as the rest of the descriptions are glossed in highly animated, yet simple, alliteration. I've been trying to recite it with a Scottish lilt now and it sounds much better, although my attempt a Scottish accent is just terrible.

[tectak]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

The buzzards are still a problem, I know you want snow-capped mountains, but because you started your sentence talking about buzzards, first what they are doing and then what they are wearing, it becomes amusing.

The music, as I said before is quite nice. I know you need "quartz and sand" for your music, but otherwise quartz is useless and the technician in me says find something else.

"I sip the land" is perfect.

I see some qualms over bryophytic but they are ridiculous, the words has a beautiful Scottish lilt to it and, geez, how lazy can people get when google is everywhere now?

I might, if I was being picky, complain about raindrops dancing as I believe they made a car wax with a similar name so it /might/ be cliche.

sea sobs shore is good
wild hart roar is good


the language does fade at the end, but so be it, it is certainly dense enough throughout to support.

cheers

milo

The qualms were not over having to look it up. It felt out of place, as the rest of the descriptions are glossed in highly animated, yet simple, alliteration. I've been trying to recite it with a Scottish lilt now and it sounds much better, although my attempt a Scottish accent is just terrible.

It sounds OK from here. Can you sing "Far, far way".
I have to end this. Bryophytic is just not obscure. I checked around a few non-myco, non-bryo friends (who admittedly are country rather than city) and they were all familiar with, or at least could make an etymologically correct stab at the meaning. I was worried that you might think "hart" a typo. I asked around again. Three had no idea!!!
Best,
tectak

[tectak]

I felt hart was a good play on words. And it sounds great.

Your a good egg, true
Best.
tectak

[Truerenigma]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, ice glazed on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

I'm sold. The stick slick was the biggest issue for me. Much improved.
Cupped is better too.
Thanks for posting a great read.

[tectak]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, ice glazed on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

I'm sold. The stick slick was the biggest issue for me. Much improved.
Cupped is better too.
Thanks for posting a great read.

Hi true,
thanks for the prod. It was always cupped,though. Bosom, cupped.
best,
tectak