Where I must be...edit 2, trueenigma,edit 1. billy the cliche killer

[tectak]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
peaks cupped in white lace kufi and pure as faith and prayer.  [attachment=84]
I need to feel the brittle breeze first  numb my  brow and then
upon my cheek,  sharp  needles shed from high, dry sticks;  
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent  in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, ice glazed on sun-sweat days.[attachment=85]
I need to drink fast streams that leach  from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.  

I need to be where sea sobs shore...[attachment=87]
Where wild hart roar… [attachment=86]
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…[attachment=88]
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

[serge gurkski]

fine poem, fine music! Tom. I will come back to it. It is rich.
(for now just thumbs up for: "bryophytic ". Not the slightest clue what it means. ,-) But consider me impressed.)

cheers

serge

[Crepuscule]

(for now just thumbs up for: "bryophytic ". Not the slightest clue what it means. ,-)

Mossy.

[serge gurkski]

(for now just thumbs up for: "bryophytic ". Not the slightest clue what it means. ,-)

Mossy.

;-) damn. Is it common usage in Scotland?.
I want it recited; bryophitic braes.

[Crepuscule]

(for now just thumbs up for: "bryophytic ". Not the slightest clue what it means. ,-)

Mossy.

;-) damn. Is it common usage in Scotland?.
I want it recited; bryophitic braes.

No, it's a botanical term. Like "pteridophytic" (ferny).

[milo]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass panes on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops dance in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

there is something amusing about buzzards wearing white hats that will always bring a smile to my face.

The sonics are nice throughout (although the alliteration is heavy handed with a blushing self awareness). Some of the lines 'sound' so nice and fresh it is easy to forget they don't actually hold water ('brittle breeze' 'glass panes on sun sweat days').

Also, the writing is a high enough caliber that I want some closure, some explication. Yah, you need to be somewhere, I need to be at work, for a paycheck. They are not going to pay you to hang around in Scotland, retired or not.

Still, fun read.

milo

[tectak]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass panes on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops dance in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

there is something amusing about buzzards wearing white hats that will always bring a smile to my face.
Hoist and petard! I knew I had shot an elephant in my pyjamas!
The sonics are nice throughout (although the alliteration is heavy handed with a blushing self awareness). Some of the lines 'sound' so nice and fresh it is easy to forget they don't actually hold water ('brittle breeze' 'glass panes on sun sweat days'). brittle breeze is a drying wind....you nearly got it. It holds no water. Stick dry and dessicating, the icy easterlies (pun) turned everything crisp and as brittle as if dipped in liquid nitrogen. There were serious incidents of fire daily. The "glass panes on sun sweat days" fails. Though the air was cold, the sun was very strong. We walked, sweating, beside lochs frozen into panes of glass. I have a picture. I was meter bound. I was rhyme tied. I was , frankly, fucked. I will look at it again.
Best,
tectak

Also, the writing is a high enough caliber that I want some closure, some explication. Yah, you need to be somewhere, I need to be at work, for a paycheck. They are not going to pay you to hang around in Scotland, retired or not.

Still, fun read.

milo

---

(for now just thumbs up for: "bryophytic ". Not the slightest clue what it means. ,-)

Mossy.

;-) damn. Is it common usage in Scotland?.
I want it recited; bryophitic braes.

Bryophytes are an "order" which includes moss. There are bryophyte study groups and societies world wide. See "bryology". It is second nature to use the word in mycology as many fungi grow in, or are "associated", with moss (Mushroom from "mousseron". French for moss)
Look and learn.
Best,
tectak

[serge gurkski]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass panes on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops dance in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

there is something amusing about buzzards wearing white hats that will always bring a smile to my face.
Hoist and petard! I knew I had shot an elephant in my pyjamas!
The sonics are nice throughout (although the alliteration is heavy handed with a blushing self awareness). Some of the lines 'sound' so nice and fresh it is easy to forget they don't actually hold water ('brittle breeze' 'glass panes on sun sweat days'). brittle breeze is a drying wind....you nearly got it. It holds no water. Stick dry and dessicating, the icy easterlies (pun) turned everything crisp and as brittle as if dipped in liquid nitrogen. There were serious incidents of fire daily. The "glass panes on sun sweat days" fails. Though the air was cold, the sun was very strong. We walked, sweating, beside lochs frozen into panes of glass. I have a picture. I was meter bound. I was rhyme tied. I was , frankly, fucked. I will look at it again.
Best,
tectak

Also, the writing is a high enough caliber that I want some closure, some explication. Yah, you need to be somewhere, I need to be at work, for a paycheck. They are not going to pay you to hang around in Scotland, retired or not.

Still, fun read.

milo

---

Mossy.

;-) damn. Is it common usage in Scotland?.
I want it recited; bryophitic braes.

Bryophytes are an "order" which includes moss. There are bryophyte study groups and societies world wide. See "bryology". It is second nature to use the word in mycology as many fungi grow in, or are "associated", with moss (Mushroom from "mousseron". French for moss)
Look and learn.
Best,
tectak

I knew it had to do with your mushroom fetish, but ok. There are darker desires. Or are there? ;-) I looked up Sheildaig: Very nice place. And they have bed and breakfast, so don't be shocked, when I am already there.

cheers

mad dog me

[billy]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens, i googled but never found the bosom bens, i'm figuring it's a type of fungi. good opening line.
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer. good image
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick; could something better than sticks be used? i know it works with click and slick but it feels out of place. a stick usually being a dead thing.
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.,

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays; cracking image
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days. and again
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; i'm sure it works but wonder if it works well enough? i'm guessing many will view bryophytic as being something akin to greek syphilis
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand. clear as gin is cliche extreme
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be. the last 3 lines feel to poetic/forced.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

i enjoyed it till the end where i think you ran out of good sentences to use
still an enjoyable read

[tectak]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens, i googled but never found the bosom bens, i'm figuring it's a type of fungi. good opening line.
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer. good image
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick; could something better than sticks be used? i know it works with click and slick but it feels out of place. a stick usually being a dead thing.
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.,

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays; cracking image
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days. and again
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; i'm sure it works but wonder if it works well enough? i'm guessing many will view bryophytic as being something akin to greek syphilis
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand. clear as gin is cliche extreme
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be. the last 3 lines feel to poetic/forced.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

i enjoyed it till the end where i think you ran out of good sentences to use
still an enjoyable read

Hi billy (you bastard)
Of all people....Bens are Scottish mountains....bosums. Well, tit shaped then.
Everything else, especially the gin, will be dealt with most severely. The "high clicking sticks" are the dead branches that click in the wind and drop their needles. Not common in Filly-pines? I am surprised.
Thanks as always. You see things others miss or are too polite to mention...yeh.
Best,
tectak

[serge gurkski]

to quote from milo's comment: "Also, the writing is a high enough caliber that I want some closure, some explication."

I am sure. milo has looked deeper into this than I, so he will have good reasons for his opinion here.
So, I am not disagreeing with his statement, when writing:

I, that is just me, like the unusual structure of this poem, because simultaneously with the thinning out of words the intensity of the poet's desire seems to thicken: to grow. To me this sounds very authentic.
But as I said: just a very personal take.

Still I can also see milo's point, Tom.
Really glad (if a bit envious, I must confess ;-)), that its your poem.

serge
(,wondering if Deleuze was a closet mycologist ,-) )

[tectak]

there is something amusing about buzzards wearing white hats that will always bring a smile to my face.
Hoist and petard! I knew I had shot an elephant in my pyjamas!
The sonics are nice throughout (although the alliteration is heavy handed with a blushing self awareness). Some of the lines 'sound' so nice and fresh it is easy to forget they don't actually hold water ('brittle breeze' 'glass panes on sun sweat days'). brittle breeze is a drying wind....you nearly got it. It holds no water. Stick dry and dessicating, the icy easterlies (pun) turned everything crisp and as brittle as if dipped in liquid nitrogen. There were serious incidents of fire daily. The "glass panes on sun sweat days" fails. Though the air was cold, the sun was very strong. We walked, sweating, beside lochs frozen into panes of glass. I have a picture. I was meter bound. I was rhyme tied. I was , frankly, fucked. I will look at it again.
Best,
tectak

Also, the writing is a high enough caliber that I want some closure, some explication. Yah, you need to be somewhere, I need to be at work, for a paycheck. They are not going to pay you to hang around in Scotland, retired or not.

Still, fun read.

milo

---

;-) damn. Is it common usage in Scotland?.
I want it recited; bryophitic braes.

Bryophytes are an "order" which includes moss. There are bryophyte study groups and societies world wide. See "bryology". It is second nature to use the word in mycology as many fungi grow in, or are "associated", with moss (Mushroom from "mousseron". French for moss)
Look and learn.
Best,
tectak

I knew it had to do with your mushroom fetish, but ok. There are darker desires. Or are there? ;-) I looked up Sheildaig: Very nice place. And they have bed and breakfast, so don't be shocked, when I am already there.

cheers

mad dog me

Stay in the Torridon INN.Not the Torridon Hotel. Visit the HOTEL whisky bar, they are beside each other. Sheildaig is just round the corner. The girls are pretty, the guys not witty, the nights are long as Hiawatha's song. You should do well.
Best,
tectak

[billy]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens, i googled but never found the bosom bens, i'm figuring it's a type of fungi. good opening line.
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer. good image
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick; could something better than sticks be used? i know it works with click and slick but it feels out of place. a stick usually being a dead thing.
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.,

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays; cracking image
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days. and again
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; i'm sure it works but wonder if it works well enough? i'm guessing many will view bryophytic as being something akin to greek syphilis
still-clear as gin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand. clear as gin is cliche extreme
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time can fade.
I need to be
where I must be. the last 3 lines feel to poetic/forced.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

i enjoyed it till the end where i think you ran out of good sentences to use
still an enjoyable read

Hi billy (you bastard)
Of all people....Bens are Scottish mountains....bosums. Well, tit shaped then.
Everything else, especially the gin, will be dealt with most severely. The "high clicking sticks" are the dead branches that click in the wind and drop their needles. Not common in Filly-pines? I am surprised.
Thanks as always. You see things others miss or are too polite to mention...yeh.
Best,
tectak

now you mention it (bens) i see it, i thought tits were bosoms

[serge gurkski]

---

Bryophytes are an "order" which includes moss. There are bryophyte study groups and societies world wide. See "bryology". It is second nature to use the word in mycology as many fungi grow in, or are "associated", with moss (Mushroom from "mousseron". French for moss)
Look and learn.
Best,
tectak

I knew it had to do with your mushroom fetish, but ok. There are darker desires. Or are there? ;-) I looked up Sheildaig: Very nice place. And they have bed and breakfast, so don't be shocked, when I am already there.

cheers

mad dog me

Stay in the Torridon INN.Not the Torridon Hotel. Visit the HOTEL whisky bar, they are beside each other. Sheildaig is just round the corner. The girls are pretty, the guys not witty, the nights are long as Hiawatha's song. You should do well.
Best,
tectak

can it get any better! cheers to my tourist guide. ,-)
I think Billy has a point re the last three lines. see how you already lulled me in! I stand with the shorter lines twds the end the poem, though.

If i get it right (sexual lingo survival kit: bods, bens, ...

[Truerenigma]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then if the breeze is brittle, can we then snap it in two?
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick; this inversion destroys a beautiful line slick needles i get, needles slick? Yawn. it rhymes! That's amazing. Not really.
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.
Nice
I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days. Wew! It all 'sounds' good but as you even said yourself, it completely fails.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; ok getting out the dictionary, well not too bad but then I'm no botanist.
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.
Nice image
I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.
In other words any damn where?
I need to be
where I must be.
Where? Scottish highlands? But you said that already, why all the extra rhetoric?
Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

Its a bit much but overall it's not too bad. It's easy to see from this that you're a good writer but its literary over done. Like a resume for a writers club, or a mycology group which makes it literary not that interesting to me. Literally. I'm not impressed that you can consult a marine biologist to find a rhyme. I am however, impressed with some of the imagery.
Keep at it.
Thank for sharing (to quote serge)

[milo]

I have a need to know about these cap wearing buzzards that are as pure as faith and prayer. What is up with these buzzards?

milo

[tectak]

i enjoyed it till the end where i think you ran out of good sentences to use
still an enjoyable read

Hi billy (you bastard)
Of all people....Bens are Scottish mountains....bosums. Well, tit shaped then.
Everything else, especially the gin, will be dealt with most severely. The "high clicking sticks" are the dead branches that click in the wind and drop their needles. Not common in Filly-pines? I am surprised.
Thanks as always. You see things others miss or are too polite to mention...yeh.
Best,
tectak

now you mention it (bens) i see it, i thought tits were bosoms
Oh bollucks!
Incidentally, the specific mountain thusly adorned and shaped is one of the best known Munroes in the Marilyn category.Google that!
Best,
Tom

[serge gurkski]

Hi billy (you bastard)
Of all people....Bens are Scottish mountains....bosums. Well, tit shaped then.
Everything else, especially the gin, will be dealt with most severely. The "high clicking sticks" are the dead branches that click in the wind and drop their needles. Not common in Filly-pines? I am surprised.
Thanks as always. You see things others miss or are too polite to mention...yeh.
Best,
tectak

now you mention it (bens) i see it, i thought tits were bosoms
Oh bollucks!
Incidentally, the specific mountain thusly adorned and shaped is one of the best known Munroes in the Marilyn category.Google that!
Best,
Tom

hahahaha:
http://www.alpenreport.de/UK/bagging.htm

Never mind the german (as long as I know what it means. (It is de-arousing. cheers)

[tectak]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then if the breeze is brittle, can we then snap it in two?
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick; this inversion destroys a beautiful line slick needles i get, needles slick? Yawn. it rhymes! That's amazing. Not really.
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.
Nice
I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days. Wew! It all 'sounds' good but as you even said yourself, it completely fails.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; ok getting out the dictionary, well not too bad but then I'm no botanist.
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.
Nice image
I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.
In other words any damn where?
I need to be
where I must be.
Where? Scottish highlands? But you said that already, why all the extra rhetoric?
Tectak
Sheildaig
2013

Hi true,
Thanks for all. You are twisting the knife that I stuck in myself with the slick prick stick click line. I will take another pot at it. What is you reference to unimpressed/marine biologists about? Do I need to know?
I may need to remove a line from the closers but when you write something in situ you take a personal risk of losing you own memory trigger....I am glad, though, that you deduced it was Scotland .What was it? Bens, highland, flings, lochs, braes.....?

Its a bit much but overall it's not too bad. It's easy to see from this that you're a good writer but its literary over done. Like a resume for a writers club, or a mycology group which makes it literary not that interesting to me. Literally. I'm not impressed that you can consult a marine biologist to find a rhyme. I am however, impressed with some of the imagery.
Keep at it.
Thank for sharing (to quote serge)

[Crepuscule]

I really like it, but there are one or two niggles...

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, high clicking sticks shed needles slick;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes; bryophytic is fine... it's of marginal technicality at worst
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.Poitin is Irish... this kind of spoils the moment for me
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Sheildaig
2013