Mwaba Don
#9
I think the first three lines sound quite good, but after that the rhythm does not flow so well. I have the feeling that you try to create an attractive female dancer, but i think you use too many "beauty". Perhaps focus more on the audiences in the poet may help readers to follow, and that might help to describe her attractiveness without using direct words.
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Messages In This Thread
Mwaba Don - by Mwaba don - 09-20-2014, 10:00 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by Tamara - 09-21-2014, 03:04 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by Mwaba don - 09-21-2014, 10:12 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by Mwaba don - 09-21-2014, 10:17 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by billy - 09-21-2014, 05:57 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by Mwaba don - 09-21-2014, 10:25 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by beaufort - 09-22-2014, 03:04 AM
RE: Mwaba Don - by simmon - 09-22-2014, 06:52 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by RichPy - 09-26-2014, 05:24 AM
RE: Mwaba Don - by Starbeam - 09-26-2014, 12:30 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by vagabond - 11-18-2014, 11:51 AM
RE: Mwaba Don - by PurpleFluff - 11-18-2014, 01:18 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by azure - 11-18-2014, 10:20 PM
RE: Mwaba Don - by Isaias - 11-23-2014, 03:25 AM



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