09-20-2017, 07:03 AM
Good, tight piece. You could choose to simply condense more.
hope is a boat
floating on the water,
an inflatable boat.
to
hope is an inflatable boat
floating on the water.
It's a bit of a tradeoff because I like the simpler hope is a boat. Maybe Leanne's suggestion is better isolating the inflatable attribute.
Lovely first line.
hope is a boat
floating on the water,
an inflatable boat.
to
hope is an inflatable boat
floating on the water.
It's a bit of a tradeoff because I like the simpler hope is a boat. Maybe Leanne's suggestion is better isolating the inflatable attribute.
Lovely first line.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson