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Autumn morning

Autumn morning
gdimonaco Offline
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#1
07-30-2013, 11:31 AM
Autumn morning glow
cool breeze caresses my hand
still warm from your touch
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Aish Offline
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#2
08-01-2013, 03:40 PM
"morning" in L1 seems a little unnecessary. You don't have to adhere to a strict 5-7-5 syllable count.
It's a lovely snapshot either way.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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billy Offline
Are you alluding to me?
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#3
08-05-2013, 11:57 AM
(07-30-2013, 11:31 AM)gdimonaco Wrote:  Autumn morning glow
cool breeze caresses my hand
still warm from your touch
i agree that you could loose a few words and make it a clearer moment
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FayandFire Offline
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#4
08-27-2013, 09:59 AM
Love the still warm from your touch contrasting with the cool breeze, nice image.
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