Each Day

[whatispoetry?]

The three-toothed man mocks
the fat, elderly woman.
She can escape him,
but this is the only shade,
and the bus will be here, soon.

[Erthona]

whatispoetry?,

There are two types of people it seems, those who think others faults are much greater than their own, and their own contribution much greater than those of others, and those who see their faults as greater than others, and their contribution is less than anyone's. I suppose there could be a third category of those balanced in the middle, but I have never met any.
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"three-toothed" strikes me as somewhat odd, as it puts me in mind of the "three-toed sloth".

Although this is not a new idea, it is a fairly ingenious way to put it, and the last two lines create a nice tension.

Dale

[billy]

The three-toothed man mocks
the fat, elderly woman.
She can escape him,
but this is the only shade,
and the bus will be here, soon.

i think this is well constructed.
she sounds really sensible
love the last line. it's so "i just don't give a fuck"
not bad at all.

[TheReluctantPoet]

I love the fact that he mocks her, seemingly missing his own defects.
and the last line is great, I'm not going to leave, or fight back...my ride is almost here

Jon

[whatispoetry?]

Thanks for the comments. I was a little unsure about the last two lines.

[Malu]

I'm curious is there is any meaning behind "three-tooth" other than irony of his mocking. Other than that, I found this painted a simple image we can all understand and relate to, for some people, everyday life haha.

This video went pretty viral, it's kind of close to what your poem touches on, the fat elderly lady being mocked. But you'll find that this video is even more wrong. In your poem the man seemed to be homeless, possibly crazy and on some drugs. But in this video you'll find the antagonist to be kids. It's sad, and just frustrates me to see this lack of respect for the elderly.

vid removed/admin

[emerald13]

The three-toothed man mocks
the fat, elderly woman.
She can escape him,
but this is the only shade,
and the bus will be here, soon.

i like it ... a little tuning perhaps ? whatabout

the man with 3 teeth, mocks

initially that middle line was not jelling with me
but after many re-reads it works okay ... i thought originally that that middle line 'she can escape him' was telling me everything rather than suggesting ... but it works ... perhaps a little tweak?

she can escape ...
(or) she could leave

what i love in this piece is that we dont know if she will board the bus
or the mocking man with only 3 teeth does

i think he is waiting for the bus ... she is enjoying the shade on an obviously hot day and that is another good aspect - we know this without being hit over the head

also, i love the 3 teeth ... and HE MOCKS ???? lol

i like this very much .... good job >>>> Gina

[drithebee]

The poem was able to use complete thoughts within an extremely limited space. The poem is able to present the entire image of the story. The sequence of elements is engaging because the central character is introduced in the accusative case.
Just as the elderly woman is in the middle of this situation/scene at presumably a bus stop, the text structure causes her to be physically in the center of the poem with the other elements on the lines above and below.

Made consciously or not, this arrangement strengthens the poem's presentation and influences the audience experience.

[gilmored]

this poem really sparked my imagination. I've seen this sort of thing first hand. people are oblivious to theit own faults, but judge others on theirs. well done