01-15-2016, 07:44 AM
The back sweat on my sheets
is cold, and I wake up tired
of old dreams.
is cold, and I wake up tired
of old dreams.
|
Morning Has Broken
|
01-15-2016, 07:59 AM
Well...I guess everyone has been there. Eloquently expressed.
 dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. 
01-15-2016, 06:58 PM
I love the L2 break, you might try an em dash in place of the ", and". Effective piece.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
01-16-2016, 01:32 AM
Oh yeah, I don't know how I missed that. If you're going to use "and" there, there is really no need for a coma is there, but I do like ella's idea of an am dash.
Just to see how that looks. The back sweat on my sheets is cold—I wake up tired of old dreams. Yeah, I like that, very clean. dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. |
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)